Pearl de Theophania - basically means Pearl of God's Appearance. Not that I think that highly of myself but we are made in God's image and pearls are true treasures because they are rare and take a long time to form. It's a long journey to become all God wants you to be. I am looking forward to my journey.
About a year ago my sister in law told me about a guy, Brian. He sent me a message and for some reason Facebook put it in some weird folder thinking it was junk mail or something I guess. When I finally saw the messages I was dating Matthew and told him thank but no thanks basically. But honestly, I was disappointed that I had to turn him down because he seemed really great.
Then things with Matthew ended. I left CrossPoint and all my friends there. Broke my heart all the way around. I tried to find a place like CrossPoint but never could so I just stopped going to church altogether.
I found myself in another relationship and it was going nowhere fast. I knew God had something better for me but this was that area that I didn't let God have any part of. But I finally stopped not listening...and broke things off and just decided that I had had enough of relationships. I just wanted to hang out and have a good time without having to worry about someone else for a while.
Then a few months later, Brian was brought up again. I was told he was dating someone but they weren't really serious. So after a few pushes from my sister in law I finally added him back on Facebook and put the ball in his court...then went on with life and completely left the outcome in God's hands. Then one day...I received a new message on Facebook from none other than the infamous Brian Cates. Two weeks later he invites me to his church. The pastor talks about how we are made from dirt and that when the Holy Spirit (water) is poured into our life...things can get muddy (or messy). But the more water you have poured into your life the less dirt there will be. Then he told us that when our lives get messy to look at the mess in a different way. All of my relationships have been "dirt"...then when I let God finally take control and I did what He wanted...things got a little muddy but I'm starting to see less and less dirt now in this particular area. I also have found a church that I'm sure I am going to enjoy as much if not more than CrossPoint.
So as much as I hate breakups and dealing with all the mess that comes with a broken heart and would never choose that upon myself...that mess was necessary to get me to where I am now. God knew the desires of my heart and I thank God that He is blessing me.
Another things that spoke to me about this message is that sometimes I can look back on my past and really feel ashamed for all that's happened in my life. Half the stuff I never wanted to happen...I just was just too weak and to worried about what other people think to put a stop to it. But with this message I realized that my dirt is okay. It's part of who I am. Doesn't mean I don't wanna clean it up, or try to do better...but what has happened is the past and part of who I am. Every one has dirt. Some people may have more so than others but it is really only humans that put a value on sin. Meaning that some sins are "worse" than others. Murder is a worse than stealing. But to God...sin is sin no matter how you look at it. So maybe he killed someone and she stole something...both are the exact same. So if I am ever in a situation where I may feel ashamed of what I have done. I know that I don't have to be. Just as Jesus said, "he who is without sin, throw the first stone." So I have been forgiven of my sins and shown mercy by The One truly without sin...so I should feel no shame.
So on this third day of November I am thankful for The Mud!!!
I was driving to Henderson yesterday and was just thinking about some stuff and thought I would share it with you.
Right now, financially, things could be better. I have a plethora of medical bills and as a result money is kinda tight right now. I worked for my brother yesterday and he asked me to drive to Henderson to put a sign in a yard for him. (He's a real estate agent) Anyways, I said I would and he gave me my check for the past two weeks as well as an extra $15 for the gas of going to Henderson and back. I left his office around 1:40 and he said that he was marking me down as leaving at 2. It's just little things like that go unnoticed in our everyday lives but those are the little things that God does to take care of you.
I've also heard people make the comment that it wasn't until they hit rock bottom and God was their only way out that God showed up and pulled them out of their circumstance. I started thinking more on that and the verse that talks about how birds and other animals don't go out and store up a bunch a good - God provides for them every day. What makes us think He won't do the same for us? So my question to myself (and those of you reading) is why let it get to the "rock bottom" point? Why not, from the very beginning, just realize that we can't do anything on our own - we need God. Then maybe, just maybe, God will show up BEFORE you hit rock bottom because you are already relying on Him now instead of when all your other plans fall through. Maybe God has been trying to show you what to do and you've ignored Him and that's why you've hit rock bottom in the first place? Then, of course, there's always the trials you go through to learn something...keep your eyes open for God so that you can be out of that wilderness quickly!
Anyways, as I was driving and thinking about this I noticed an older man riding a bicycle on the side of the road. My heart immediately went out him. It's hot and humid outside and he's having a ride a bicycle to get to places - I would HATE that. Then I realized again that even though money is really tight right now and I'm having to go without my morning biscuit and gravy from Dodge's (whimper), I'm still blessed. I have a nice 4 year old car and I could go on and on about what I love about my car but I'll spare you the mushy details! :o) Anyways, back on topic, my car is in good shape and has air conditioning, I have a nice apartment right next to my best friend, a great job, and food on the table. Being aware of that really humbled me and I immediately said a prayer for the man. Asking God to protect him, give him a cool breeze, open his eyes to any lesson that he needs to learn that he may be ignoring, and provide for him so that he, at the very least, doesn't go hungry. Realizing how blessed I am really humbled me and made me so thankful to God for all He has done, is doing, and already has planned to do for me. I am so tiny in this big world but God intentionally takes care of ME.
Then on a side note I thought about the many times I've heard that some of the homeless people out there today did others wrong thus deserve where they are, I've heard that some of them are actually rich people that are "homeless" as a past time, some of them are just doing that to get money for drugs...etc. But ya know...as soon as I started thinking those things I just figured that was the devil trying to rob me of being thankful for my blessings and immediately thought how God knows our hearts and this is why we truly have no right to judge. My heart was feeling compassion for that old man. Could he have been a drug dealer? A rich man deceiving people? A criminal? Sure he could have been - but that is between him and God. What matters to me is what's between ME and God. I was feeling God's presence in my car and was spending time being aware of all the ways that God has blessed me and instead of looking at that man and thinking "Ugh, he probably deserves it" or whatever my heart immediately felt compassion and that's all that matters to God. I always need to make sure my heart is in the right place and let God worry about everyone else.
So there were my thoughts on yesterday! Hope they helped you or spoke to you in some way.
Something absolutely amazing happened to me today!
I was kinda stressing about something earlier today. I had just gotten off the phone with my dad and Jacob was in the floor playing with a toy. I put the phone down and started to cry because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Jacob, my amazing little 4 year old, never looked up from his toy and said in a matter-of-fact voice, "It's okay, Momma. God will take care of you!"
I laughed and asked him to give me a hug. I grabbed him up and gave him a big hug and told him that he was exactly right! He grinned real big and hugged back. I got up to go fix my hair and Jacob furthered explained to me that "God takes care of Nanny, me, you and everybody! He gives you peace and joy and He heals you!"
All I could do was stand there in awe of my little man. He amazes me!! I'm so proud of him!!
God spoke to me through my little boy and I couldn't be more thankful to God for giving me such a special little boy! Thank You Jesus!